JN THE MILLIONAIRE

He's selling like a bag of IDP flour. His ego has got a real nice massage. His stammering tongue is silencing the chatterbox machines. And well, girls are choking each other for him. JN, Josphat Ndundu is the new millionaire in the bushy village, thanks to Kamuti Prisoners Tomfoolery Department.

Ndundu has received a jackpot message this morning that a one Mr. Abdul Hussain, a director of a shipping company in UAE has lost a contact lady. He has however decided to be an asset to the clientele in East Africa and couldn't risk to stop business. That's when lady luck dangled her alternate competitive protrusions for his sucking. Abdul picked his number, sent him Ksh. 100 million as the initial amount to keep the business running.

The only little setback to the maturation of the aforementioned amount, is the activation fee, Ksh. 60 000. Luckily, JN has a good savings account with fifty thousand which he withdrew as soon as he could. The remaining amount he has promised to give 10% to whoever contributes it. Kicks are flying, noses bleeding and insults hurled as the scramble for the jackpot continues.

The given number is impatient. The transaction is bound to bounce if JN doesn't speed up. Or alternatively, the fruit to be dangled to a person with stronger muscles to chew it.

I bump into the village with pomp and noise. The newest Igo motorcycle is my newest ride and I have to part with a massive Ksh.25 per ride. As I climb down, the self appointed communications officer Manua, is already briefing me on how lady luck has landed in our bushy village. My trial to explain what it means to be victims of a SCAM, achieves nothing but division, heated arguments and the brand JEALOUS BRAT. The firm supporters gift me a few kicks and as I type this, my left index finger is getting a nice bandage as my right eye strains to see after a tour by handful of soil. Thanks to my Igo Ride chauffeur, I would be hugging Abraham's broad chest.

I hear that immediately after my departure,JN has led the village to Canaan of prosperity by sending the little fee to activate millions, wait, a HUNDRED MILLION! I must be a misleading crook who deserves death for scaring jackpot for his own. If what my friend, he who was on my side and partially defended me is anything to go by,the account will be activated in five days time. In the meantime, the contacting number has toured UNREACHABLE world.

Tomorrow,no, after five days, I'll be making a public apology to JN and Co at least to get a million bob loan to publish nonsensical satires.

#Nomys_Madness

REPERCUSSIONS...

It's exactly seventy two hours since the head of state pardon to petty offenders. Jigo is back. The rapist is out. The paedophile is free. The sodomized bro is trembling. Daniela's nightmares have resumed.

There's something funny,peculiar about the way he stares and smiles; slyly. His confidence is absolutely so high. How he assumes all is well,sharing his reform strategies and salvation to everyone. The pastor has recently detailed on the sermons of forgiveness and acceptance. He doesn't know how the families are uneasy.

Let him hover all over but not near Durume's property. He swore to be good to him but not to ever see him. His daughter's misery dawned after the reformist messed her. The doctor's confirmation that she can't be a mother was worst. He's yet to tell her. He wonders how to. The class performance deteriorated. Social isolation rose. It has taken three years in psychological and motivation to help her stabilise. Evidence lacked and he was only charged with rape of his wife. And now he's out as a petty offender!

Elsewhere, Justin the innocent soul who was fixed by the village bourgeoisie is out. The daughter he didn't want touched joined her ancestors last April having doped and contracted the deadly virus. Justice at last!

#Nomys_Madness.

THE SERMON

The man of the church was in charge. The shepherd of the flock is a talented preacher. His actions can only be defined by vigour and valour.
His mastery of the Word is wild. He is not only convincing,confusing but also excellent in quoting and interpreting the word. He knows how to manipulate it for all his desires.

Last Wednesday, after great mourning and burial of my brother's wife,the weather and time were my opponents. I couldn't make it to Kangui village. A good conversationalist,the shepherd imbibed my fears and offered to host me in his makeshift home. My brother was happy since his two bedroom house was already crowded.

Having eaten at my brother's, the business in the shepherd's den was simple sleep. Fatigue and the immense crying during the day created a good motivation to sleep,soundly,so soon.

I thought I was dreaming, then my attention stole the sleep. My pyjama was moving. There was a funny protrusion on my back. I turned, the shepherd was snoring. Unaware that I wasn't asleep, he turned me and he was hard,super excited. I jumped off the bed,clenched the fists and shouted, 'What the hell are you doing?'

He sprung,faster,on birth suit. Before I could act he was all over me,hands so strong. I couldn't shout,I was shocked and choked. Luckily as a man, I knew where the balls were. I believe the left one had its shell broken as he shrieked and coiled cursing...

Today, a new shepherd was leading the flock,the other one got defrocked.

#Nomys_Madness 

TIME TO ACT

"Relax," she ordered him. His anger was updating like an application. How could she?

She was only too silly to be silent that long. His duty was simple; pay bills. She had her specified features for her lineage and sadly,his input was phenotypic.

### #### ###

"So I'm a mere foster, without my knowledge," he asked passively in a statement more in a monologue than to an existing soul.

She shook her head. Stared at her daughters in a quizzical look of are-you-blind-big-boy. He realised that the only similarity with the pretty dolls was a mere bunch of mannerisms. Only a fool would waste time and resources on DNA tests.

He was the father, foster. Blood was blurred,actually non-existent...

### ### ###

Mwathi and Muthoni got married as soon as they left college. They hardly waited for the graduation list to be released. On the last night after sitting for the last paper, they resolved to start life together. That night, Mwathi swam in the deepest swamp amid the lilies. He was the luckiest boy,he thought so.

### ### ###

Girl talk. The rules were simple,no man,no boy, not even a male flea was allowed in the room. The discussion was exclusively feminine or most appropriately, feminist. The ideas got jumbled up. Laughter. Challenge. Aggression. Agreement. All that mattered were the ideas to curb the chauvinism that was eminent in the society. Such talks usually took place in girls' hostels. That's where Muthoni got her lesson -you-are-the-determinant-of-father. The debate was hot, just like the speakers. The ideological backing was not only mean but also shrewdly weird.

How they fancied some men,their brilliance but not their arrogance. They did research. They narrowed down to genetic and acquired characteristics. The solution was reached, fix a dude when ovulating,time well accurately, get what you need,look for a rearing fool, let him believe you. Getting a preferred offspring is that easy!

### ### ###

Models, feminists,fashionistas and activists unfortunately dropped the terms and fantasies next to the college gate. They dressed in reality and settled with what they got. Accepted kids to be heavenly gifts, irrespective of the conditions aspired. For Muthoni, the case was different. She was a go getter and couldn't settle for less. She pursued her dreams,achieved her desires, enjoyed life until...

### ### ###

Diana was a roommate in college. She knew all the radical tendencies that Muthoni harboured. She was her confidante. That day, nine years after school,she bumped unto her friend by sheer coincidence. She could hardly grasp how her naughty roommate could have settled with the meek church boy so well. They agreed to meet at her place in the poshy Milimani Estate. That's when hell broke loose, the church boy heard the worst nightmare. The daughters he had raised so well were not his.

### ### ###

He was thinking fast,faster than a head of an ousted state. How could she?
He needed to act, to take the best step. Nine years in a fake family. Nine years in a lie. Nine years ago, he made a terrible mistake. Nine years of his life wasted.

He looked at her,eyes full of rage. The friend sneaked out. He raised his voice,words failed him. He tried to move, the joints joined his wife in betrayal. However when he...

#Nomys_Madness